You can walk away from abuse

16 Days of Activism

Gender-based violence is a disturbing phenomenon that needs to be rooted out.

From 25 November to 10 December the country puts the spotlight on the scourge of women and child abuse in our country.

For 16 days, South Africa raises awareness about abuse and mobilises society to speak out and support our country’s most vulnerable people.

One in five South African women has experienced some form of gender-based violence, according to several reports, including the latest one by Statistics South Africa.

Sadly, most perpetrators of this crime get away unpunished as their victims suffer in silence.

Lerato Mbatha* (37) knows too well about the pain of suffering abuse at the hands of someone who once declared his undying love for her but later turned into a “monster”.

Like many victims of abuse, Mbatha, who hails from Hammanskraal, north of Tshwane, did not confide in anyone. She was too ashamed to speak to her family and also did not report the crime to the police because she says, at the time, she had no faith in the justice system.

That was more than six years ago. Today, Mbatha is among a group of activists involved in campaigns against gender-based violence that encourage the victims to stand up against their abusive partners.

As a survivor of abuse, Mbatha admits that it’s not always easy to walk away from an abusive relationship. The victims, she says, often tend to overlook their abuser’s flaws and blame themselves for making their partners angry.

In her case, when the beatings started, she couldn’t tell her parents because she was not ready to hear the truth. Her parents were against the relationship and this made her leave home and move in with her boyfriend.

As in most relationships, the first few months were “perfect”. Even though she was the only one working, she had no problem supporting her boyfriend.

Things changed soon after she gave birth to their daughter. From then, the relationship would never be the same again.

“He became obsessed and started accusing me of things. He would come back from drinking in the middle of the night and start shouting at me.

“He would place a gun and knife on the table and ask me to choose which weapon I prefer him to use to kill me. I would apologise for something [although] I don’t even know [what I did wrong] and beg him not to kill me. The following day, he would apologise and promise to change,” said Mbatha.

However, the beatings never stopped and no one picked up the signs of abuse because she covered the bruises on her face with makeup.

Tired of the beatings and of protecting her abuser, one day Mbatha decided enough was enough. She decided it was time to come clean about the abuse and seek help.

Mbatha subsequently decided to join the #NotInMyName initiative, an organisation that organises campaigns calling for an end to violence against women and children.

The organisation has assisted victims of abuse to get justice and also helps them to reopen cases which were not investigated. It also supports victims by accompanying them to court appearances.

The social movement has a unique approach in dealing with victims of abuse in that it assists victims of rape, drug abuse and gender-based violence by referring them to therapy to help them deal with their ordeal. The organisation also works with boys in a bid to prevent and end the problem of abuse.

In May this year, hundreds of people took part in the #NotInMyName march against women abuse. The march to the Union Buildings came in the wake of rolling reports of rape, murder and other gender-based violence in the country. Thanks to the holistic help she received from the #NotInMyName initiative, Mbatha is now able to spend time raising her three daughters and fighting for justice for the victims of gender-based violence.

She feels that anti-abuse campaigns should also target young boys who are affected by abuse because they often become abusive themselves.

As South Africa observes 16 Days of Activism against Women and Children, victims should draw strength from Mbatha’s story and speak out and seek help.

While Mbatha was able to break the cycle of violence, many others are not as fortunate and could end up paying the ultimate price.

*The victimís name was changed in this article at her request.